Saturday, October 11, 2008

Sensitivity issues

Ok, so this whole pregnancy thing has been going ok...I guess. Something has happened to me though this time around that is making me kind of scared and maybe slightly crazy??

You see no one has ever called me sensitive. I don't cry much if ever, I am usually pretty tough and one of my closest friends even called me the Grinch before. (She was only kidding...I think??) Something about my heart being two sizes too small?

It's not that I wouldn't give you the shirt off my back and I wouldn't bring you soup if you were sick. It's just I am a straight shooter. I call a spade a spade. Well, that was before this pregnancy....

Now I feel like a bumbling idiot on most days. I cried the other night watching Grey's Anatomy. Why you ask?? Because Christina was getting kissed by McMilitary and it came so out of the blue that I was happy for her?? What?? It's a TV show. Do you understand what I am talking about? I was happy for a character in a TV show. Ugh!

Another thing lately making me cry is my children. They are growing up way too fast. Pretty sure that is why I keep having them. Logically I understand they will ALL grow up, but something about having a baby around makes everyone just a bit younger. My husband wants to know when it will be "our" time and I keep thinking I don't think I ever want that time? I keep asking him to do what? To travel...neither one of us love watch more TV...we own two TIVOS? What could we possibly do that we aren't doing now? I love the loudness, the craziness, the busyness of our lives. Yes, sometimes I love calm too, but that is usually because my job is making me crazy and I have run out of patience for the little ones!!

I can't decide if I like the new me or not. You know the senstive one who seems to FEEL everything. Part of me does. It's kind of freeing just letting it all out. Who knows what will happen in 4 1/2 months. Something tells me after sleepless nights I will STILL be crying. Only it will be different...

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